I Stalk My Son's Birthmom
BY TIFFANY EGGARS, HANDS OF HOPE ADOPTION & ORPHAN CARE MINISTRY†
People probably think I'm crazy when they hear me say that I stalk my son's birth mom online.
We adopted Eli out of foster care when he was 18 months old. His mom, Anna, was a lost 16-year-old foster child. In her short life, she experienced everything from sexual abuse, abandonment from her parents and now several criminal convictions and drug addiction. Annaís Facebook page is her personal diary and cry for help. I read of nights partying, her father abusing her and all her problems and fears.
At first, I hated her for abandoning her baby. So, I began praying awful prayers like Please, God, make her get arrested again. Or Please, God, donít let her return and us lose Eli. But the more I prayed for her, the more I learned to love her. And, my prayers changed to Dear Lord, send someone today to Anna. And, please do your will for both Eli and his mom Ė and I will just learn to deal with the pain later.†Well, God answered my thousands of prayers in His timing when we stood before the judge and Eliís name forever changed.
But I still pray daily. I pray that, if it could be good for me or Eli to see his birth mom, our paths would cross. Yet, if it would be harmful to Eli or Anna, that we are kept far apart. I occasionally see her newest mug shot photo. She no longer looks like a cute 16-year-old girl with sad eyes. Anna now is 21 and looks like a full blown meth addict with a soul so dark that all hope is gone. Every new mug shot looks worse than before and is like a knife into my heart. People probably wonder why I still keep up with her. I do it because I know at least one of three things will happen in my future. One day, Anna, may show up on my doorstep. Or, Eli may want to meet her when he is older. I may read one day that Anna is dead. Whatever the future holds, my heart needs to be ready.
As I continue to track my son's birth mom, a passion continues to grow within me for local foster kids. I get angry. These forgotten children are worthy of Godís love! It aches my heart to say that Anna is probably beyond the scope of help. Only a miracle as big as the parting of the seas sent from God can save her now. But, for my son, his story is ENTIRELY different. Just as Anna hugged me the one time I met her and said, ďI want my son to have a life different than I.Ē
I know that, by Godís grace, that will happen. Eliís family tree has a new branch. He will live a good life. He will know the unconditional love of a family and a heavenly father. And, that LOVE will make all the difference. There are COUNTLESS ways to make the difference in the life of a foster child like Anna and Eli through Hands of Hope Adoption and Orphan Care. You can become a foster parent, chaperone a foster child during a Hands of Hope event, send a foster child to camp Ė and much more! Contact Tiffany Eggers at: firstname.lastname@example.org.†