There was a man who was severely disabled. We don’t know why. MS, ALS, Cerebral Palsy, Stroke? He couldn’t get anywhere. He was stuck, paralyzed. But he did have 4 friends. 4 friends who cared about him so much that they went to extremes…actually crazy, even resorting to vandalism… to get him the help he needed.
• Jesus – house – crowded – hoisted him up to the 2nd floor – destroyed private property – let him down with a rope.
• The story is remarkable because of Jesus but the subtext about these 4 friends is powerful. Their foresight for him. Their loyalty to him. Their doggedness for him. Their perseverance for him.
The big idea of the story is the miraculous power of Jesus. The 2nd big idea…You can’t endure on your own.
The journey from suffering to endurance to hope is too long, too hard and too complicated to lone wolf it or white knuckle it on your own.
Yes, it is true that… We can rejoice when we run into problems, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. Romans 5:3-4…but that is a long haul from struggle to endurance.
When you can’t make it stop hurting. When you are crippled with fear. When you cry all day. When you’re ridiculously disillusioned. When you hate yourself…just getting out of bed is a tall order let alone bucking up with hoopomonay (endurance)
You need help. You can’t endure on your own.
So far in this series Amy and Barry have helped us think deeply about endurance.
• Amy encouraged us to practice a new level of discipline. See this journey as a marathon that requires us to train ourselves. “We build our endurance by sticking to our disciplines – we spend time with God – silence and solitude and prayer.” Amy Christie. Amy called us to exercise spiritual grit.
• Barry insisted that we need a mindset shift…look at our suffering with a new paradigm. “Needing to endure can be proof that you’re sharing in the mission of Christ. Following Christ means facing pushback from the powers of this broken world. Enduring that pushback is proof that we’re on the right track.” Barry Rodriguez
• Both Amy and Barry reminded us to fall back on the mysterious intervention of God into our struggle. To consider God’s providential engagement when we are at our worst. Let’s just have a moment to consider the providential care of God in the middle of our suffering:
Psalm 34:18
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.
Isaiah 43:2
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.
Philippians 4:5-7
The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Psalm 23:4
Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Matthew 11:28-29 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
Those promises are mystical and powerful and wonderful. God’s providence carries us from suffering to endurance. As do spiritual disciplines. As does grit. As does a paradigm shift in our thinking.
But sometimes, even with all that, endurance is hard to come by. We need more. We need each other.
You can’t endure on your own. Say that with me…I can’t endure on my own.
Like the theme running through the story of God of God’s engagement in our tragedies and pain is this other theme of the power of a caring, loving human beings. Somebody who bears witness, offers arms of support, listening ear…somebody who carries the load.
Hebrews 10:24-25
"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Encourage one another and build each other up!
Galatians 6:2
"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."
Romans 15:1
"We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak."
John 15:13
"Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends."
Everybody knows this. Of course, community and steady committed relationships are essential to well-being and endurance.
Yet, one out every two Americans claim they have no regular in-person social interactions.
• 47% say the relationships they DO have are not meaningful
• 57% of Americans eat all their meals alone.
• 36% of Americans report serious loneliness—feeling lonely “frequently” or “almost all the time or all the time”
• In 2023, Surgeon General Vivek Murthy declared an “epidemic of loneliness and isolation.”
Maybe this is why endurance is so hard in the 21st Century.
Ran into a young man who I knew had a robust social network…a group of dudes he hung out with. I asked him if they still got together. No, after COVID we just gave up trying. “we just gave up trying”
How many of you have just given up trying to maintain important relationships?
• how many of you used to be in a small group but are no longer?
Honestly, I think, in general, we decided investing in relationships isn’t worth it anymore. The journey from suffering to endurance is now longer and harder because we’ve given up trying to cultivate and maintain relationships.
***pause***
This is that point in a sermon where we talk practical steps to address this issue. Some of the ideas floating around in your head might sound like this…
• “I’m going to emphasize relationships more!”
• “I want to think about getting the old gang together for dinner.”
• “I think I’ll check in more frequently with my brother or sister.”
Those vague new year’s type resolutions are not bad…they are not specific enough or not measurable enough to address your need for endurance.
So, I’m going to suggest two VERY specific, life changing decisions, that are near guaranteed to provide relationships that will help you endure. 2 steps that will help you refire a commitment to caring for each other.
1. Find a mentor.
The word "mentor" comes from the epic Greek poem of 800 BC. The Odyssey. In the poem, Odysseus, the king of Ithaca, has to go off to war. He is concerned about his son Telemachus's education and development while he is gone. So, he approaches an old friend to act as a teacher, advisor, and friend to Telemachus. His name – Mentor. Mentor - A respected and trusted friend and advisor.
• Some of you might react…oh, I have one of those. Someone you connect with from time to time or can call or text occasionally, maybe “grab lunch”(implies a quick meeting). That’s not a mentor. That’s an as-needed friend.
Mentor - A respected and trusted friend and advisor with whom you meet consistently for a long period of time.
You need relational repetitions month after month, year after year with a person. They see you at your best and worst, they are naturally there in tragedy and triumph. Meeting monthly with a person for a long long time is not an appointment, not a get together, it’s a journey. As is the path from suffering to endurance.
I had one of those for 35 years. I’ve told his story numerous times. Charlie Kelley.
• Charlie passed away 3 months ago. I will miss him.
• What did he do for me? Little things/big things
o Remembered
o Revisited
o Reminded – gently
o Wept and rejoiced
With a mentor you don’t have to do anything but consistently meet, listen to one another and respond based on what is needed.
• It’s the repetition of that process that builds endurance.
Thankfully I still have some co-mentor friends with whom I meet. They are precious to me as well. Bruce, Mark and Mike. We meet monthly or even bi-weekly.
I suggest you identify someone and make the big ask. Where do you find a mentor? They are already in your life just not in that capacity.
My recommendation: 1 Mentor once a month for one year. Why? You can’t endure on your own.
2. Become a mentor.
Be one of those friends who carries others to Jesus. How to know a person: the art of seeing others deeply and being deeply seen – David Brooks
Brooks would call this mentor spirit – an illuminator.
If you want to be a good mentor…
• Practice unusual curiosity
A different quality of attention
Physically listen
“To speak to (a good mentor), is like an inverse charisma, a sense of being listened to with such intensity that you had to be your most honest, sharpest, and best self.” E. M. Forster.
• Respect others
Don’t try to fix them!
“Above almost any other need, human beings, long to have another person, look into their face with loving respect and acceptance.” David Brooks
They are not a puzzle that can be solved, but a mystery that can never be gotten to the bottom of.
• Be an accompanist
To be an accompanist is to be in the supportive role. Accompaniment is a humble way of being a helpful part of another journey, as they go about making their own kind of music. Honor another person‘s ability to make choices. Meet them where they are, help them chart their own course
• Show up
Consider time with others high on their priority list not a luxury or adjunct to their lives.
Showing up when someone is grieving or has been laid off or has suffered some setback or humiliation. When someone is going through a hard time, you don’t need to say some wise things; you just have to be there, with heightened awareness of what they are experiencing at the moment.
Who will it be? Change someone’s life! Invite them to meet with you. Once a month for one year.
Now…I want to give you a chance to put some of this to thought…
• Get out your phones or piece of paper – anywhere where you can write – who will you approach?
Find a mentor. Be a mentor because You can’t endure on your own.