My wife and I recently attended a Parenting Mini-Conference at Grace Church. It was a Saturday morning full of learning and personal reflection, and it sparked a great conversation between my spouse and me on the way home.
Parents from all over the map attended: parents of little ones still in diapers, parents with houses full of elementary-aged kids, and parents of teenagers on the cusp of adulthood. But despite our differences, we all felt deeply tangled in the weeds of parenting.
As a parent of three boys, ages 8, 10, and 13, my life is full of baseball practices, fishing poles left in the yard, dirty socks, and nightly arguments over bedtime. There are moments of pure joy, like going to a Cubs game as a family or watching them do well in school, which I wouldn’t trade for a thing. But the reality is that the day-to-day grind of parenting is full of meltdowns, tears, and sometimes even flying fists in the back seat.
That’s why the parenting conference was so good. It was insightful and encouraging, with some great takeaways. Here are a few that I’ll be chewing on in the days and weeks ahead:
Takeaway #1: Parenting is Hard
One of my biggest takeaways was simply an affirmation of what I have been feeling lately: parenting is hard. Perhaps the deeper confirmation is that it doesn’t matter what stage of parenting you are in; if you are trying to parent intentionally and parent your children well, it’s going to be hard. Like really, really hard. That can be sobering, but it's also affirming: parenting is a monumental task, and every parent will face numerous challenges along the way.
Takeaway #2: My Child is a Person
This one might sound a bit weird, but hear me out. The lesson is that we often refer to our child as simply that- an infant, a toddler, a pre-teen, or any other moniker- and forget they are a human being, wonderfully and uniquely made. They are also a person, full of feelings, emotions, and desires, even at a young age. The example used was your teenager slamming the door on you. They are likely not mad about the decision you made or what you said. Their outburst is often a result of fear, anxiety, or other complex emotions swelling inside of them – because they are a person. This one stuck with me, and I hope I remember it the next time my 13-year-old storms away in frustration.
Takeaway #3: Who I am Deeply Influences How I Parent
This one might sound obvious, but it's a good reminder that I need to stay aware of certain things. My tendencies, quirks, and how I’m wired greatly impact how I parent, for better or worse. For example, as a deeply social person, I can be at an event or gathering and pay more attention to other adults in the room than my own children. I can also project some of my high expectations onto my children. The key takeaway is that having a deep sense of self-awareness will only help me be a better parent to my children.
Takeaway # 4: I Have to Keep the End Game in Mind
What is my goal in parenting? What am I aiming for? The book Parenting: Getting It Right by Andy and Sandra Stanley (which I highly recommend) focuses on this idea. My wife and I want to raise kids who follow Jesus, but also kids who become healthy, mature adults and ultimately, still want to be in relationship with us. The reality is that if my spouse and I don’t define and choose what we are aiming for, someone or something else will choose that for us.
There were certainly more lessons from the morning, but those were a few that stuck out. If you’re a fellow parent reading this, I hope it was helpful. But also, let this be a reminder – that you are not alone! Grace Church wants to walk with you, support you, and encourage you as you parent your children. So, please reach out to us. We’d love to grab a coffee and connect and see how we can journey together along the joyful, but also difficult, path of parenting.